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It's been a long, long time!

Wow, it's been a while. About 8 years since I've written a blog. The last one I just published today because I realized it was left as a draft.  It's the year 2020 and the United States - the entire world - is a dumpster fire. It's been that way for at least 8 months now due to #COVID19, the death of George Floyd and the events that followed, our crazy political climate, etc. It's been rough. In March, the state of CA (along with a lot of other states) ordered a shelter-in-place. Most non-essential businesses were ordered to close and everyone was ordered to stay home. Of course, since grocery stores are considered essential, I still had to go to work. Thankfully, at the beginning of April, we were allowed to begin working from home and only had to go in-store as needed. All these months I've basically just been going to each of my stores once a week (sometimes more depending on business needs) and working from home the other 3 days of the week. It's been ni...
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Oh life...

I'm sitting in the waiting area waiting to see my therapist. I'm super early. I'm wondering what's about to go down in there because our last session scared the shit out of me. I'm hoping that I can convince her to believe on me this one last time that I can do it on my own. Oh well...we'll see how it plays out. I went on a coffee date Friday night. This man is very good looking and tall. He seems so sweet and he was such a gentleman. We didn't even have coffee, we went a couple doors down to a bar and had a drink. It seems like we have a lot in common (so far). I liked that we laughed a lot and he made me feel pretty comfortable. Before we said good bye he kissed me...it was amazing! LOL maybe because I haven't been kissed like that in a long time. He text me the next day and said he had a nice time and was looking forward to seeing me again, and I replied with pretty much the same thing. That was Saturday and today is Tuesday... So now I'm wonde...
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Update? Depressed...what's new?

So I haven't writtin in a journal (paper or computer) in a REALLY long time...at least a couple of years. I don't know why...because I really should. I haven't gone to therapy in a couple of months...and a couple of months before that session too. Since I've moved, it's been really hard to get up to the city for my appointments. I'm going to have to ask Susie to recommend someone out this way for me. I've been feeling down lately. Depressed. Fat. Unpretty. Lazy. As much as I want to go out and do things in order to maintain the connections I have with friends and possibly make some new connections, it's so hard to do that since I feel so ugly and fat. I know that I could be doing more. I've been working out more than I used to and trying to eat better, but it doesn't always work out the way I would like. I've decided to give up wheat/gluten to see if it will help with my stomach problems and hopefully my health overall. I've been fe...
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Location: San Mateo, CA, USA
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I miss you...still...and I hate it...

Why do I still miss you so much...is it just because I'm lonely? Or is it you? It's been five months already! What the hell?! The last few days I've been fighting myself to not text you. What did you do to me? Did I have a similar effect on you? I know you truly cared and loved me...but do you miss me? I guess I know that you think about me since our coincidental run-in down in the parking garage. Why were you here? Why can't you just come out and say it? How do you have no good explanation? Did you know that ever since you broke up with me that's all I've dreamed about? I've always hoped that you would show up at my house wanting me back and telling me how sorry you are and that you love me and need me in your life. But that's not exactly how it happened...we saw each other and you freaked out and drove out... It's weird because I just realized that since you did your little drive-by, I haven't dreamed about you. I used to dream about you almos...
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Sick...and update...

So I'm sick...ugh! I hate it. I hope I feel better tomorrow for work so that I can get shit done! It's been 5 months since Gabe broke up with me and I feel a lot better. The only thing I'm worried about is getting myself out there and living life! I want to do things! I want to go places! I just feel like I don't have people to do that with nor do I have the money...but I'm working on it. For a long time since Gabe broke up with my I would always wonder if he thinks about me and if he misses me...I would cry and fantasize about him showing up and begging me back and telling me how much he loves me and needs me. Well...a couple of weeks ago I, kind of, caught him driving through my condo complex parking lot right as I was coming home. I'm sure he was embarrassed. He saw me and I saw him. He freaked out and turned around super fast and left. I text him and asked what the hell he was doing here and (long story short) he basically said he was thinking about me and...
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Heartbroken

So yesterday Gabe broke up with me...AGAIN. For the same reason...He's just so overwhelmed and he's been in relationships for 8 years, so he needs to be by himself for a while...he says I didn't do anything and that he loves me and loves spending time with me, but he just can't do it. He says I'm such an amazing person and I treat him so well, and that I deserve better because he can't give me what I need. He didn't even give me a choice! I CHOOSE to be with him...I wouldn't have been with him if I didn't want to. Sometimes I would get overwhelmed and worried about us but, because I love him and love spending time with him, I chose to make it work. I chose love over just giving up. I don't want him to stay with me if he doesn't want to, but it hurts because he says he loves me. How can you love me and just leave? Just give up? What the fuck is that?! Just on Sunday, we spend the day together and he looks at me so lovingly and tells me he love...
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Blogging?! Hmm...

So it's weird because I created this account a LONG time ago and never posted a thing...but now...I'm going to try... I guess I'll sort of, introduce myself. My name is Lisa...I'm a college student working toward a degree in Psychology...I work full-time as a Customer Service Supervisor/Back-Up Data and Technology Specialist at Whole Foods Market. I've been there for over 2 years and I like it...but I feel like I need something a little different...whether it's within the company or not. I love the company, I'm just getting a little sick of my position. They should just call it what it is...Babysitter...Babysitter of Adults. I know right now is not a good time to go out looking for a job...so I'll just stick it out and look for job openings internally....
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