It's been a long, long time!

Wow, it's been a while. About 8 years since I've written a blog. The last one I just published today because I realized it was left as a draft. 

It's the year 2020 and the United States - the entire world - is a dumpster fire. It's been that way for at least 8 months now due to #COVID19, the death of George Floyd and the events that followed, our crazy political climate, etc. It's been rough. In March, the state of CA (along with a lot of other states) ordered a shelter-in-place. Most non-essential businesses were ordered to close and everyone was ordered to stay home. Of course, since grocery stores are considered essential, I still had to go to work. Thankfully, at the beginning of April, we were allowed to begin working from home and only had to go in-store as needed. All these months I've basically just been going to each of my stores once a week (sometimes more depending on business needs) and working from home the other 3 days of the week. It's been nice to work from home, sometimes lonely, so it's also nice to go into the stores...sometimes. 

It's been really tough to navigate relationships and what I should and shouldn't do. Shelter-in-place was officially lifted at the end of May. Dumbasses decided to party for Memorial Day and COVID19 cases and hospitalization started spiking again in July. I literally didn't hang out with anyone from mid-March until June when I went to Monica's house and finally got to hang with them. And then Angela and the boys came and stayed the weekend with me toward the end of June. Then, when cases started spiking in July, I decided not to hang out with anyone again for a while. I didn't get to spend time with my mom for at least 2 months, but when COVID first started I drove to my mom's to pick up her laundry and brought it back home to do for her. I didn't want her going to the laundromat and endanger her health. I did that for a couple months until mom was losing it and wanted to get out after shelter-in-place was lifted. The only person now, that I've been consistently spending time with is my mom, because...she's my mom. DUH! 

Last month I started going to Monica's again for a few weekends to help them move. But I'm worried now because they're hanging out with people. I know these people are close to them, but I'm not close to them and I don't trust them. How am I supposed to know what those friends are doing and who else they're hanging out with? It's interesting because knowing how clean and against germs Monica is, I thought she'd be even more cautious than I. There are so many people who don't take this shit seriously and it bugs the crap outta me. I'm convinced this is part of the reason this virus is still a huge issue. This whole thing is so stressful. I never know if I should hang out or not. Should I wear a mask with anyone I want to hang out with? Probably. But it sucks when I'm the only one and no one else is. But then I'm also thinking, well you guys are the careless ones. I don't know. My mind has been all over the place during all this. I know there are a ton of people struggling right now because of the business shutdowns and lack of work, but I honestly think we should be shut down again. But I wonder though, would I feel that way if I had a different job? Or if I were laid off or owned my own business? I know it's tough, but I'm nervous about winter and flu season. We're going to have to worry about both flu and COVID this winter and it's a little scary. 

Logan's 6th birthday is 11/14 and I'm wondering what they'll be doing. I don't think a party because Monica hasn't mentioned anything. But if there's a get-together, I've already told myself I should probably wear a mask the whole time because I don't want to miss his birthday. I'll need to check with Monica if she's planning anything. 

Is it weird or bad that I don't feel bad for people who can't have parties or go out for their birthdays or party for Halloween or other events? I think everyone will be okay if they skip it this year. I get it might suck, but like, you'll be fine. I'm really hoping people don't have large Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings. I just don't see how that is more important than keeping everyone safe and distanced. Don't get me wrong, my mental health has definitely taken a hit this year because of all that is going on, but I'm also trying to do what's write. I've been pretty angry about everything. I've disabled my Instagram again and I've deleted the Snapchat app. I still have an account but I find it just gets on my nerves and/or makes me angry. And I haven't had the Facebook app in probably 2 years and rarely log on in general. 

I don't know. Times are tough. There's been a lot more that's gone on too, but that would take a long time to get out on here. I'll try to blog more frequently because hopefully, this will be good for me.