Heartbroken
So yesterday Gabe broke up with me...AGAIN. For the same reason...He's just so overwhelmed and he's been in relationships for 8 years, so he needs to be by himself for a while...he says I didn't do anything and that he loves me and loves spending time with me, but he just can't do it. He says I'm such an amazing person and I treat him so well, and that I deserve better because he can't give me what I need. He didn't even give me a choice! I CHOOSE to be with him...I wouldn't have been with him if I didn't want to. Sometimes I would get overwhelmed and worried about us but, because I love him and love spending time with him, I chose to make it work. I chose love over just giving up. I don't want him to stay with me if he doesn't want to, but it hurts because he says he loves me. How can you love me and just leave? Just give up? What the fuck is that?! Just on Sunday, we spend the day together and he looks at me so lovingly and tells me he loves me. What the fuck?! And then on Wednesday he breaks up with me. That doesn't sound like love to me. It's just not fair. He said he wasn't sure if he was ready in the very beginning, but he still kept calling and wanting to hang out. It's partly my fault because I let it all happen. But it's not my fault I fell in love with him.
He's not a bad guy, but I just hate him so much right now.
I guess everything was just a fucking joke. I'm just so sad...and I feel so alone, even though I have my friends and my mom. I just love him so much. I feel so pathetic. I almost feel that if he said he wanted to get back together that I would. We just had so much fun...he's so sensitive and loving and affectionate...he loved me for me. I'm such a fucking mess...I miss him so much...I want to turn back time...it literally hurts...

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